It's done... It's over...

It's over! Exam is over! I have finished one semester!

Well, I haven't actually get the exam result yet... so I don't really know if I passed the first semester's exams or not... hopefully yes, but....

I don't even want to talk about it anymore. I messed up so many things on exam! Especially Cuisine exams...
I don't know why, but just can't get anything right for Cuisine Fundamental. The theory exam was shit! Fuck it don't care anymore! I spent the whole day before trying to put all of the information about Cuisine Fundamental in my head with no luck. I decided to do all the quizzes on moodle. They were ridiculously EASY! I got 100% in almost every week's quiz. I thought to myself: "this is bullshit! This is far too easy!!"
I decided to call it a day after doing all the quizzes cuz I know I will not get anything from staying up late trying to remember everything when I know I can't.
Andddd.... morning came.
Woke up not so early, as usual. Got up with a headache and body ache which I had been suffering for the past week. I ate breakfast, took a shower, and went to school. It was quite a beautiful day.
At school I met all of my classmates and I asked them about the super easy quizzes on moodle. They all tried it and they got 100% too. They do not look worried cuz they thought that the exam is not gonna be far away from those quizzes. I was worried.
We went to the exam room, picked a seat, and we were allowed to start. I turned the paper, turned and read all of the questions from every pages. Anndddd.... my reactions after 30 seconds reading it were: WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE?? I DIDN'T REMEMBER THIS?? WAS DOES THIS QUESTION EVEN MEAN??? FOUR QUESTIONS FOR ESSAY?! WHAT THE FUCK! I CAN'T WRITE FAST!! I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT THIS!!!!!
Andddd.... the next two hours in that exam room was hell.
The multiple choice was okay. Some of the questions from the quizzes were there, they weren't very stressful. The short answer questions are not short answered AT ALL! Each one of them could be 5-6 lines long and they took ages to write. The essays were torture. I just made things up if I don't know about the questions. I hope I still get marks for trying... I hope...

The practical exam was the one that I am so scared about. I really enjoy practical, I do not mind not being allowed to talk to my friends for 4 hours and having to serve 4 dishes at the same time. What I am nervous about is that we were marked for food hygiene and safety too. And there is a person, my lecturer (who is sometimes, and especially on the exam time, IS VERY SCARY) who patrol around the room to look at our work and our food preparation practice.
All of my life, I CANNOT WORK PROPERLY IF SOMEONE IS STARING AT MY WORK FROM MY BACK!! I CAN FEEL THEIR EYES AND I WILL START SHAKING LIKE CRAZY AND I JUST CAN'T DO ANYTHING!!! FUCK MY LIFE!! THIS IS JUST WHO I AM AND THIS IS CRAZY FOR SITUATIONS LIKE THESE!!
So, you can guess how I did in the kitchen....
It was a whole mess...
And she kept staring at me with those scary eyes...
I can feel those eyes stabbing me...
I didn't do anything right...
I was late to present...
I just messed up and I don't want to know what I got for those messy dishes I created.... I just don't want to know anymore... My life is ruined because I can't fucking control myself when I am nervous.
I wanna cry.... :'(

And I still wanna cry when I think about it... I might fail... I might not... But I will definitely get very bad marks....

Well, now that everything is over, I just want to relax. I want to forget everything.
I am cleaning up my room. I am going to put all my notes for the first semester away in the storage room in my apartment. I do not want to see them anymore. I'm just hoping for the best for myself...


Fuck my life... can somebody erase my memory of the exam week, please???




p.s: sorry for all those curse words I used in this post. Cursing just made me feel better... a little...

Some Boring Post About the End of My Semester

So it has come to this, the end of my first semester at Le Cordon Bleu New Zealand. Three and a half months. It felt like three weeks to me!
It is the middle of my exam week. Just finished the first exam. Totally screwed up the case study!!! FML!!!! *still depressed about that*
That was quite a writing I did for the exam today. I have never written so many words in such a short time. Especially in English. Nope... this was the first time. There might be some grammar and spelling errors since my hand started trembling and I always missed the last letter of every word I wrote! That was ridiculously crazy!!
Anyways, where have I been the past three (or four) weeks???
Well, I was kinda busy (riiiggghhh... busyyy...). Well, I was!! I was busy moving apartments, I was busy buying things for my new apartment, I was busy finishing all my assingnments WITHOUT INTERNET, and I was busy being lazy! Okay... that last one was unecessary...
ANYWAYS!!! Likewise, all my inspiration come when I am suppose to study or finish all my assingnments. Well, here I am writing a boring post on my blog which noboy would read when I am supposed to do some ironing cuz I do not have anything left to wear.
Yes, this is a boring post.